May 29th, 2007 Copy
Another day month, another great ALA article. This one about writing effective headlines (taglines) and copy:
Speaking of writing, I noticed after completing a recent project, that I had spent the majority of time one part in particular — even though it represented a very small percentage of the visual design. The project was a redesign of our church bulletin (the handout given to attenders as they come into the building), and the part that took the longest was the “welcome” tagline, which read:
Welcome to The City Church
We’re so glad you chose to come to church today, and we hope you’ll experience God’s goodness and blessing at our services. Welcome home!
In that short statement, (hopefully) a lot is communicated.
First, we’re partnering with the reader and celebrating their [bold] decision to come to church.
We understand it’s not always an easy decision to make on a Sunday morning, and there are a lot of reasons to not. The very act of church attendance is a vital step to a fruitful relationship with God, so we honor it.
Next, we offer support in the form of an indirect invitation to experience something — beyond just church as usual.
If there’s any question as to why a visitor is attending, we hope to put that to rest by communicating some simple expectations that they can adopt and share. After all, some people don’t have a clue why they show up on Sundays.
Finally, the “welcome home” statement is designed to add another layer of comfort and family-like reception.
I debated this statement because I didn’t want it to sound presumptuous or proud. I needed a strong conclusion, though, and nothing else seemed to fit quite the same way.
The first run of bulletins were handed out this past Sunday, and I’ve not yet heard how they were received; and I may never hear. Whether the copy I wrote actually made any difference to a visitor I’ll probably never know. After reading the ALA article, though, I at least feel justified in taking the extra time to make sure it was right.
Sean Sperte is Geek & Mild. His passion for technology and media, along with his interest in 
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Comments
Michael 29 May 9:28pm
I think your welcome text is great and the bulletin looks awesome too. I work at my church as well and when I am working on a project that will get as much time in the hands of the public as something like a bulletin a Pastor or someone in a position would write the text. Do you have to get your copy proofed by superiors? Just wondering how you guys do it. It looks really great though, nice job!
Sean 29 May 11:17pm
Oh, absolutely, my copy gets proofed! In fact, every piece of communication our department produces must be approved before it’s printed, published or distributed.
Michael 30 May 7:38am
Now I am just curious as to how you guys produce your bulletin. For us, we created a “shell” that is in color and has all the information that typically won’t change. Then each week we run the shell through our B&W copier with that weeks current ads. How do you guys do it?
Sean 30 May 12:15pm
Yes, our process is pretty much the same. The image I posted is the “shell” or outside of the bulletin, and the inside is basically a template, with the content constantly changing from week to week.
Dan Mall 30 May 2:42pm
Visually, the new bulletin looks great! It’s a lot of info, but just from the screenshot, the typographic hierarchy looks like it would be very easy to read through.
Copy-wise, it’s amazing how the smallest tweaks can change the whole feel. For the purposes of discussion, how do you think changing the final exclamation to a period would effect the tone of the paragraph? Do you think it’d be more or less successful?
Sean 30 May 3:52pm
Thanks, Dan. That means a lot coming from you.
Swapping the exclamation for a period might be a good move if the sentence were restructured. The tone of the statement is already a bit low-key — intentially — so I’d worry that dropping the “excited” closing would leave the reader feeling cast aside or not important. I imagine a host welcoming a guest to their home with a simple, “glad you came, have a seat”; almost fulfilling a mandatory welcome.
(As a side note: My grandmother, who happens to be a former editor and writing instructor, has emailed me some suggestions for revamping the statement. It’s too late for this run, but I’m certainly open to changing it for next season’s bulletins. So … if you’ve got more suggestions, let ‘em roll!)
Mom 30 May 10:45pm
Of course, being your mom, I think everything you do is BRILLIANT! But, I’m wondering what MY mom said!
Jonathan 9 June 2:17pm
Do you think you could make my church a bullentin like this?
Sean 9 June 5:20pm
Ha! Well, Jonathan, I would, but my church keeps me busy enough! I’m honored that you’d ask though.
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