The iPhone 3G and the Space-Time Continuum

08 July 2008

Got this in my inbox tonight:

Subject: A Tip From the Future
Date: July 8, 2018 9:32:47 PM PDT

Dear Sean,

Thanks for giving up soda and sugar substitutes, that’s been a huge blessing. Now to business.

I know you’ve been heavily weighing the option of getting an iPhone 3G on Friday, and have already looked at all the pros and cons. I also know you saved the money from the sale of the – what was it again? Oh, yeah, the PowerBook – to purchase it. (Wow, I haven’t said that name in years. I had to have my Knowledge Navigator look it up for me.)

Well, let me just tell you: Don’t do it. Skip it. Keep your current iPhone.

You see, here in the future, the only companies that have survived are the ones that look after their customers. While some companies expanded their energy and resources trying to contain handfuls of pirates and scammers, others concentrated on improving their loyal customers’ user experience. Unfortunately, AT&T is not one of the latter type. In classic Galactic Empire fashion, they tightened their grip, and the pirates slipped through their fingers. It drove their cellular division to the ground.

Meanwhile Apple has been pounding out product after product after product – with services, too! You should see their new home gardening appliance. Freakin’ awesome. Comes out in time for the Holiday season. But why am I telling you? You don’t even care about gardening yet.

Anyway, I just wanted to give you fair warning. You don’t want to be locked into AT&T any longer than you have to. They had a good run, but once Apple decided to give them the boot and launch their own communications service platform, it was over. (Truth be told, though, I knew way before then – when AT&T started courting other manufacturers trying to come up with an iPhone killer. It happens sooner than you think.)

Also, hey, don’t worry about that rash. It goes away.

Future Sean

So what do you think? I say Future Sean’s an idiot.

I’m getting an iPhone 3G this Friday.